Transient
by nisachara
Summary: Tired of living & full of questions, Hidan stumbles upon a verse that will take him through an unexpected journey. Hidan/Shikamaru/Temari/Kakuzu
1. Autumn Clouds

This is an experiment with contrasts, based off of the anime Naruto and inspired by another fanfic titled Quotidian by the great Firefly :D. The story explores topics such as the value of life, meaning of death, love, and hate.

Characters: Hidan, Shikamaru, Temari, Kakuzu, and others

* * *

**'**_**This existence of ours is as transient as autumn clouds**_

_**To watch the birth and death of beings is like looking at the movements of a dance.**_

_**A lifetime is like a flash of lightning in the sky,**_

_**Rushing by, like a torrent down a steep mountain.'**_

_**-Buddha**_

**Chapter 1 - Autumn Clouds**

The silver haired man slammed the book shut and sighing, placed his elbows on his knees. He looked up at the pale blue sky, violet eyes catching the rays in their  
eternity. He watched the clouds move, slowly to the left.

He sighed. "As transient as autumn clouds is it?" He watched the clouds for a few moments longer and closed his eyes.

_As transient as autumn clouds..._

_Rushing by..._

_A flash of lightning..._

_Impermanent?_

The young man frowned. That was a lie. He bit his lip.

"Tch, and to think for a moment there I actually hoped it was a possibility. Fucking heathen's book!" Hidan glared at the green copy of the Dhammapada. He had somehow come across the Buddhist book at a flea market he went to with Kakuzu the previous Saturday. It was absolutely unlike him to grab a copy of a heathen's book and worse, _keep_ it. Buddhists were non-believers, weren't they? The worst kind. All that talk about non-violence, peace, and Nirvana. It sounded too mushy and gooey and _passive_ for the likes of him and his religion.

Yet there was a great deal of talk about pain and suffering in the scriptures too. Something that drew Hidan to the old bookshelf it was exhibited on. Something that made him want to read and find out. His own religion was full of pain and suffering. Pain, suffering, judgment... those were things that had to be delivered to those who didn't believe. To deliver. That was his job, on behalf of his God, Jashin.

But Hidan believed. He believed and trusted in his Lord, Jashin Sama, with every ounce, every sub-atomic particle of his being. And for his faith and loyalty to his Lord was he granted the gift of immortality. He sacrificed for his Lord, prayed every day, tried to please Him, hoped He would be happy, proud of him.

And yet, Hidan occasionally felt unsatisfied. His Gift, his immortality... it made him different. He could not die like any other living being that came to life in this world. He came into this world the same way as everyone else, yet he would not go with them when they passed away into the next. He would not die. He _could_ not. And yet he wanted to.

Every time he performed one of his elaborate rituals, he sure as hell felt the pain and anguish that went through his victims as he stabbed, sliced, and tortured them. In those slow and cherished moments, he imagined what it would be like to go through death: something _he_ would never be able to experience. Something that was deprived him. The very thing that made him stand all alone and apart from everybody else. He paid close attention to how each victim reacted. They were all different. The degree of pain that each one felt when he stabbed here and then there... the fear... the faint memories... It was all unique.

It made him angry and sad at the same time, and he didn't understand why. It felt good, he told himself, when he killed. It felt good to 'feel alive'. But it was, somehow, not enough.

Something was missing. Something big. Perhaps it was the irony he had to live with: to be able to live forever, yet not feel completely alive unless at the expense of somebody else's life. Perhaps it was the fact that life itself had become of little value to him now that he was immortal, and yet everyone else had _that very something_ to cherish for as long as they lived. He had his faith, it was true, but...

"Seriously, what the fuck am I going on about?"

Hidan got up, patting his robe clean of sand.

"What the_ hell_ got me thinking about all that deep philosophical shit?"

He looked at the green book.

"Stupid shitty book! Shredding this crap into bits isn't going to do it for me, got to find a better way to fucking _destroy_ this! Totally _annihilate_ this piece of shit!"

... saying which he quickly slipped it into his pocket.

Picking up his scythe, the silver haired man treaded the sand quietly and walked over to his partner. The older masked ninja stood under a bridge, quietly planning out the cheapest, most efficient way to get through their two assignments. He casually glanced up in acknowledgement at his approaching partner and went back to calculating and strategizing. Hidan leaned against the cold hard stone of the bridge they were under.

"Where're we staying tonight?"

"A few miles from Sunagakure," Kakuzu replied gruffly, slightly annoyed at the moment's deviation from his meticulous calculations.

_Suna..._ Hidan slyly shot a glance at Kakuzu, and seeing that his partner was conveniently absorbed in his own thoughts, let out a small, almost inaudible sigh.

_Suna... She is... I..._

He shook his head and quickly brought his hand up to his face. _Shit_ he thought. _This isn't the time to be thinking about her! Fuck!_ He grabbed a handful of hair. _Fuck fuck fuck..._ His other hand slowly rose to his chest and lay over his heart. "Fuck..." he whispered.

"You're still thinking about her?"

Hidan jumped. Kakuzu's voice had startled him, shaking him back from his memories, his visions, his thoughts. "What the _fuck_ Kakuzu?! Why the hell did you have to go and scare me like that? Shit you've got a really creepy voice you know that?"

Hidan seethed. Not so much because he was taken by surprise, but more by the fact that Kakuzu had that stupid intuition thing going on whenever he tried to think about her. He raised his hand to his scythe and rested it there.

"We're not staying anywhere near that place." Hidan looked away as he said that, biting his lip. His heart raced madly. He _wanted_ to go back to Suna, but not in hell was he ever going to admit it! He was sure it showed on his face and he didn't want Kakuzu to see it.

"Well I'm not willing to pay to stay at any other place since everything else is hell expensive."

"What the fuck Kakuzu, you cheap bastard!" Hidan glowered, his scythe glinting in the sunlight. But Hidan didn't complain further. He just stood there in silence, looking at the distant trees.

"You're still thinking about her aren't you?" Kakuzu smiled behind his mask. Hidan was still silent. Kakuzu stared at his sullen partner, trying to take in his expression, trying to understand what was reeling in his mind.

Hidan straightened his shoulders, hand still on scythe, and started to walk. Kakuzu followed, still smiling. _He sure has changed,_ he thought.

Usually Hidan would start whining and complaining, spewing colourfully assorted strings of sentences at him, cursing and accusing him no end until he developed a severe migraine. However, the last visit to the Sand Village had brought home a different man, and Kakuzu felt like a stranger before him now. It sort of made him sad, but at least there weren't any migraines involved...

The pair wound their way toward the inn, mostly in silence. Hidan seemed to be preoccupied throughout the journey. He became fidgety when they came closer to their destination. The large round residential complexes loomed in to sight in the horizon. Sand lifted from the dunes and wafted over the distant image, blurring the red sky above the scene.

Whilst in their room, Hidan leaned out of the window. The heat was intense. He squinted. There were clouds: red and gold ones. They shifted ever so slowly over the stretch of blood red infinity.

_This existence of ours is as transient as the autumn clouds..._

He gripped his fingers tightly around the edge of the window sill. The clouds moved above him, changing shape as they passed slowly by, and soon disappeared from his degree of vision.

Changing shape...

_Every moment, changing shape... Never the same cloud as before... Changing like emotions, thoughts, experiences, never the same person as before..._

Passing by...

_Growing, changing, fading away into the distance... Just like the others... Just like everyone else..._

Disappearing...

_Disappearing. Dying. Becoming... what?_

Hidan felt the blunt weight of the green book quietly prod his thigh through his pocket.

* * *

Shikamaru yawned. It was getting late, and the heat was maddening. It was making him sleepy. He waited, his back leaning against the wall of somebody else's house.

Konoha was getting ready to turn on its street lamps. Workers trudged silently to their homes. The Shogi boards were brought out into the doorways and families gathered around to watch the game. Children were dragged, kicking and screaming, by their parents, who in turn complained loudly about how they would have to device new methods to remove the dirt stains out of the young ones' dirty garments. Old men took out the bottles and croaked to a lousy meaningless tune. Birds settled in their nests and the cats came out of their slumber.

_The ambassador is late._

Shikamaru scratched his head and turned his gaze upwards to look at the reddening evening sky. The chuunin stood there silently as he watched the golden whispy masses float above him.

The clouds had always been a big part of Shikamaru's life. They looked so free and detached, floating at their own pace, unperturbed by what went on around them. They mingled and morphed, but never seemed to mind. They had no friends or family to protect and worry about, no G-cupped hokage to take orders from, no deadlines, and no alarm clocks. They were everything that he couldn't find on earth.

"Sorry I'm late."

Shikamaru turned towards the familiar voice and yawned.

"Hey," he grinned, scratching his head once more. Temari smiled apologetically as she walked towards him.

"Watching the clouds again I suppose?"

"The usual."

Temari smiled. Shikamaru's gaze turned back onto the clouds.

"You look so philosophical."

The chuunin laughed.

"Hmm." Temari followed his gaze and settled her own on the golden shapes. "Why do you do it?" She had asked him that question many times before, but this was probably the only time he was awake to hear her say it.

He turned to look at her. She was looking up intently at the sky, the golden rays dancing in ripples on her skin, trying hard to figure out what he had been looking at. He smiled.

"What do you see in them?" She asked once more, still not taking her teal eyes away from the object of her fascination.

He laughed and cupped his hands behind his head. "I just like watching them. Up there it seems like a whole other world, one that's free from war and noise and sorrow. Even when it rains, it looks so… other-worldly. The earth and the sky… they are two different things. Like oil and water. They don't mix. Sometimes…" His voice trailed off into a contemplative whisper.

"Sometimes?"

"Sometimes I wish I were one of those clouds. It's like… it's like this freedom that you can't find anywhere else on earth."

"Freedom?" She thought about it for a moment. "Is there something holding you down here?"

"Hmm." He stole a sly glance at the jounin. "Lots of things," he replied, shifting his gaze to his feet. "Well," he added quickly, straightening up. "We should get going before it gets dark." He proceeded to walk in the direction of the Konoha gates, his hands still cupped behind his head. Temari silently followed him, her mind still fixed on what he had said about the clouds.

Shikamaru was assigned to escort Temari, Suna's ambassador to Konoha, back to her hometown. Usually Shikamaru would just walk with her up to the gates, after which she continued the rest of the journey on her own. However, the conferences had taken unusually long today and Temari had to commence her journey home late.

The evening sky looked bright and burning just now in Konoha, but she knew it would be black and chilly when they reached Suna. The desert was always harsh. Daytime brought searing temperatures and scorching winds, while the nights brought stillness and biting cold.

Shikamaru glanced at her and smiled. She was still searching the sky for something out of reach. He reached for her hand and took her gently by the wrist. "What are you looking for up there?"

Temari gasped at his touch. She felt his fingers grip her. They were gentle, not rough. His touch didn't hurt her. His touch was different.

_Not like his…_ His _grip was different…_

Memories that she had pushed to the back of her mind began to slowly resurface. She remembered clearly how he had held her wrists in the rain, demanding, almost begging her to…

_No!_

She felt his fingers tighten around her wrists. She felt her arms going numb. She remembered the violet eternity that was his eyes. His voice…

_No!_

Temari gasped again. She looked at Shikamaru confusedly. "What…?"

Shikamaru's thumb softly caressed her wrist-bone. He was still smiling. "Well… I only asked what you were looking for up there. You seem to be a little preoccupied with watching the sky tonight." He chuckled. "Thinking of taking up the hobby after me eh?"

Temari lowered her eyes and forced a smile. "I don't know…" Her voice was a whisper.

"Hmm?" Shikamaru leaned forward towards her.

"I don't know… what I'm looking for. May be it's like you said… freedom?"

"Freedom? From what?" His expressive eyebrows arched pointedly conveying a rare quizzical, yet concerned, expression on his usually unenthusiastic features.

She averted her eyes. She couldn't tell him. She didn't know what she felt herself. It was hate, she told herself over and over. But sometimes she wondered if it really _was_ hate.

She still heard his voice in the depths of her dreams.

_Wait for me…_

She had waited. She still waited. He was the reason she woke up every morning. The chance to see him again, to hurt him, to loathe his existence; that was what kept her going. But she wasn't sure if it was loathing. Not anymore. The many months that had passed had changed something in her.

_He saved me…_

But he had saved her only so that she could have another chance to kill him. Yes, he wanted so badly to die. And he had chosen _her_. He had chosen her to be the one tormented and mentally tortured so much that her will to kill him would consume her. It would consume her so much that she would finally be able to do it, finally be able to complete his selfish desire to end his life and test his faith. But she knew she couldn't. It wasn't because she refused to give him the satisfaction of finally getting what he wanted. It was just that she _couldn't_.

He played with her mind even when he was not around. He held a strange power over her; a grip over her very existence that she had tried so hard to shake.

_You bastard._

"Temari?"

_Let me go…_

"Nothing, it's nothing."

_Freedom… from you…_

"Really…?"

_Yes, that's what I want… That was what I was looking for… up there…_

Temari looked up and smiled at Shikamaru. His look of genuine concern touched her. "Yes, really. I don't really know what I'm looking for up there. But I suppose I do agree with you, about the whole thing being very other-worldly."

_And today the clouds are red…_

Shikamaru grinned and started to walk, her hand in his. Something was bothering her, he knew it. He could feel it. But he didn't feel like dwelling on it. Working out a woman's mind was a scary project, even if it was Temari. No, it was scarier _because_ it was Temari.

She glanced once more up at the sky as it grew darker by the moment.

_The clouds. The clouds keep morphing and moving._

She stared at the red swirl at the back of Shikamaru's chuuunin vest as he walked slightly in front of her.

"Tell me, genius, what good is a world of peace and tranquility if everything in it keeps changing?"

"You know, everything could just change for the better." He laughed inwardly at her sudden equivocally philosophical mood she had decided to adopt for the day.

"But it doesn't ever work that way, does it?"

"Not always, but that's the beauty of change. You don't really know when it's going to get better."

"It's not fair…"

"It's troublesome, but that's just how things are."

_Tch!_


	2. Dance

**Chapter 2 – Dance**

Kakuzu came out of the bathroom, the dark patchworked skin on his upper body in full view. His piercing eyes scanned the room slowly as he wiped off the remaining droplets of water from his hair. He fixed his stare at the figure sitting contemplatively by the window.

Stripped to the waist and wearing nothing but a towel around his lean body, the silver-haired man sat on the window sill, his head turned in deep thought towards the reddening evening sky. His left leg was placed on the window sill, threatening to expose whatever the towel around him was supposed to conceal.

At this, Kakuzu laughed inwardly, his smile pulling at the stitches at the sides of his mouth. Hidan couldn't care less for clothing. His rituals left his Akatsuki uniforms covered in holes and matted with blood. A good fraction of the organization's money went to replacing uniforms, and Hidan was mostly responsible for this unnecessary monetary loss, Kakuzu noted with a slight hint of annoyance.

Hidan had been waiting for his turn to take a shower. Kakuzu picked up his clothes, which were lying on his bed. There were two beds in the room. He usually picked the bed on the right, because for some reason he found it easier to get out of it from the left side. It was his understanding that the stitches on his back would itch all night long if he didn't sleep on the _right_ bed.

The younger man still sat staring out of the window. By now Kakuzu had finished getting dressed and every last drop had been dried off his raven hair.

_It's taken me a while to completely dry out my hair and he still hasn't spoken one word._

This was general cause for concern. Kakuzu narrowed his eyes and wondered if his partner was alright. He even began to suspect if the figure in front of him was his partner at all. What if this was somebody else using a transformation jutsu? A spy? Kakuzu's fist began to harden. Hidan usually talked until the cows came home. This couldn't be Hidan, could it? _I mean, could one man go through such a huge change in such a short time?_ Kakuzu couldn't recall ever doing something so good to deserve such a thing. Must be some good karma.

Kakuzu was a little reassured when he felt Hidan's chakra. Yet a 'shitty bastard' or a 'fuck you Kakuzu' would have made him feel much easier. _Be careful what you wish for, Kakuzu,_ he reminded himself.

As much as he didn't believe in any god, Kakuzu accepted this as a miracle. Yet he wondered why there wasn't an earthquake accompanying this phenomenal change.

"What?"

Kakuzu blinked. The Jashinist was staring right back at him, violet eyes fixed on his unmasked face. Hidan looked down and adjusted his towel. He then shot an accusing glare at Kakuzu.

"What?!"

He was standing now. Kakuzu blinked again.

"What the fuck were you staring at?"

Kakuzu let out a sigh of relief. He was glad to have his partner back. A small smile spread over his face, the stitches on his skin tightening.

Hidan pulled off his towel. The smile on Kakuzu's face froze.

"Well whatever the fuck it was that you were trying to look at, have a good look at it now." … saying which the Jashinist flung his towel over his shoulder and strode off in the direction of the bathroom right past Kakuzu, who stood rooted to his spot trying to comprehend the meaning of that gesture.

A few feet away the angry footsteps stopped.

"Hey Kakuzu."

Silence.

"Are you afraid of dying?"

Kakuzu turned around slowly. The younger ninja stood at the door to the bathroom, his back facing him. The orange light of the setting sun danced on his pale skin. He was still naked.

"Well if you're asking me if I'd rather live or die," - Kakuzu sat down at the foot of his bed – "I'd choose the former."

"Why?" Hidan looked over his shoulder at his partner.

"Why do you think I created this jutsu?" Kakuzu traced his finger lightly over some of the stitches on his forearm.

"I thought it was because you wanted to become the strongest ninja?"

"Well, that too. It's true that I'd gain many advantages and powers from those whom I incorporate into my own body, but ultimately, it was just to assure my own survival."

"Would you have died for something you believed in?"

"I'd consider that a stupid move."

Hidan turned to face his partner, who quickly averted his eyes. Kakuzu didn't want to stare. And he didn't want Hidan to know that it made him uncomfortable to see him that way. Hidan was the kind of person who'd piss you off by doing exactly what you didn't want him to.

"Stupid? Even if it was for your religion?"

_"Especially_ if it were for my religion."

Hidan grinned. "What kind of screwed up logic is that?"

"If I died for something I believed in that would leave the world with one less believer."

"Isn't it what they call martyrdom? And won't that compel others to follow in your example?"

"Then I'd be responsible for ridding my faith of other believers."

"Tch! Martyrdom is the ultimate sacrifice! It is the selfless act of sacrificing everything for what you believe in, and what gives _you_ the right to just go and say shit about something as sacred and glorious as that!"

"It's just another way to go…"

"Know what, if it weren't for my plans I'd have already sacrificed you. _Then_ what would you say huh?" Hidan smirked. "Y'know 'Kuzu I'd love to see you scared shitless and begging to take back your words and stuff, but then it'd be too late, because you _know_ you couldn't win against me and 'know what I'd _do_ to ya? I'd have -- "

At this point Kakuzu interrupted him.

"Listen, the goal is to endure and pass on the message in its purest form. Nobody wants death as their goal. Religion is about making life better for people. It's about giving meaning to life, not for taking it away."

"Oi oi oi! Are you criticizing my religion?"

"Well…"

"How the fuck would you know anything about religion when you don't even _have_ one?"

"I…"

"Know what? This whole world is fucked up. I mean can you even count how many heretical beliefs are out there today? Just look at most of the bloodiest wars in history. Wasn't all that stupid crap for the sake of some heathen god or the other?"

"That's exactly why I don't have a religion."

"And they all claim theirs is the right one, so they kill everyone else..."

"Religion never really saved anyone from death."

"And that's exactly why any other religion other than Jashin Sama's is fucked up."

"But all you ever do is destroy. What're you going to do once you've killed every other human being on the planet huh? What comes next?"

"Jashin Sama has plans for me."

"Wouldn't you just get tired of living?"

Hidan's breath caught in him midway. "… I don't know."

"Looks like you already are."

Hidan looked at Kakuzu. He had put his mask back on but his eyes were still searching. He knew the older man had started to suspect something was up. Hidan quickly shrugged the other man's stare off. "What?"

Kakuzu clasped his hands and rested his chin on them. "Tired of living."

Hidan averted his eyes over Kakuzu's shoulder to the window. Darkness had already fallen.

"Well, fuck this conversation. I'm taking a shower." Flinging his towel back over his shoulder, he turned and stepped into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

Stepping into the shower, he leant against the cold tiled wall.

_It's been two days already…_

The water thundered around his ears.

_Perhaps tonight…_

Water whirled around his feet before it passed into the drain. Memories of the rain flooded back to him. He grinned.

_Tonight then._

He turned on the hot water.

_Wait for me…_

* * *

The two had been walking for a while.

Suna's streets were lit up and the dust made blurry halos around the lamp lights. Colorful banners swayed in the lazy evening breeze. The streets were full of people during festival week: families stopped at the games stalls and the theater, old men went drinking, and lovers walked hand in hand.

Shikamaru let his fingers lightly brush the back of her hand.

Temari looked up at him and smiled. The blurry halos reflected in her teal eyes. She didn't look like the scary woman she became when facing an opponent. Shikamaru wondered if this was the gentleness his father talked about. She took his hand in hers.

"Any news about Sasuke?"

"Well, it's not like he writes us you know," Shikamaru yawned. He was staying over at Suna for a week on 'official' business. Tsunade had sent him to represent Konoha at a conference held at Sunakagure, and Temari had invited him to spend his free time with her at the autumn festival that night.

"What I meant -- "

"No." Shikamaru chewed on his toothpick. "Naruto doesn't really have any plans of giving up though."

"Naruto is something else."

She remembered how Naruto had saved her brother twice. He had saved Gaara from himself, and then from death… It was because of Naruto that she gained a brother. "You have the power to change people" was what she had said the day she thought she had lost Gaara forever. And to this day she still had faith in him; she knew that he would eventually save Sasuke as well.

"Yeah." Shikamaru looked up at the sky. There were no clouds this time, but there were stars. He smiled. "Naruto once told me about team seven's introductory meeting with Kakashi. They had to state their name, hobby, likes and dislikes, and dreams or goals. Kakashi made sure he only disclosed his name, and left everything else extremely vague. Sakura's answer to everything other than her name was 'Sasuke'--"

Temari gasped. "You mean she actually _stated_ the fact out loud?!"

The chuunin laughed. "Stated it? Not in so many words. Sorry to disappoint you. It was just a giggle and a series of creepy fangirl looks."

Temari laughed. She remembered how obsessed Sakura used to be about Sasuke. The girl had grown a lot since the Uchiha had deserted Konoha. The last time she saw her – which was three days ago – she noticed how she was now not just physically strong, but emotionally as well. Temari smiled.

Shikamaru continued: "Naruto's answer was basically 'Uzumaki Naruto, ramen, ramen, ramen,' and--" At this point Temari joined him:

"To become hokage, that is my dream!" they said in unison. And then they pretended to adjust an imaginary forehead protector before shouting "Dattebayo!"

The pair burst out laughing. Naruto's 'I'm going to become hokage' line was so well rehearsed by the shinobi of Konohakagure and Sunakagure already. It was the easiest to guess in a game of sherades. Gai's nice-guy-pose and Neji's curry-of-life face took second and third place respectively.

Even after Naruto's three-year absence during his training with the old pervy sage Jiraiya that line hadn't changed. Perhaps his "I'll never give up" had an added "Sasuke" now that his primary goal was to rescue his friend from the darkness, but hokage would always be his dream. And judging by his current progress, Shikamaru was certain he'd achieve it.

Passers-by on the street turned to look at them.

"Sasuke's answer was typically Uchiha," Shikamaru continued once he had recovered from the laughter.

"You mean, he didn't say _anything?_" Temari grinned.

"Ah well," Shikamaru grinned back, "other than 'Uchiha Sasuke', it was 'nothing, nothing, everything', and then 'revenge' and 'revive my clan'."

"Tell me," Temari grabbed Shikamaru's elbow, trying to hold in resurging waves of laughter. "What do you think he'll do once he gets his revenge? Would he have any reason to live anymore? And _who_ would he pick to revive his clan?" Temari's eyes twinkled as she pronounced the word 'revive'.

"Heh. Well, I don't think I'm in any position to give you a satisfactory report on who the Uchiha has his heart set on… but, about the first question… Naruto did mention something about Sasuke telling his brother that the only reason he'd survived was to exact revenge for what he'd done to their clan."

"So he's nurturing hatred for his brother so that he can finish him off in the end? Itachi must be very strong." Temari looked thoughtfully at the starry sky as she spoke. Sasuke's story reminded her of herself… and _him._

"He _should_ be strong, if he killed off the rest of the _Uchiha_ clan. They were the strongest clan in Konoha, remember?"

"Perhaps he is…"

"But I doubt that's the only reason."

Temari looked up at him. Shikamaru was leaning forward, the hint of a smirk showing on his face. Their noses almost touched. "Not the only reason?" she whispered.

Shikamaru smiled as he took the toothpick out of his mouth. "Nope."

"What then? What else can it be?"

"Love."

Her eyes widened, questioning, searching.

_"Love?"_

"If he hates him enough he won't regret killing him."

Temari stared in disbelief. _Love,_ she thought. Here was a new perspective. _How could you want to hate someone because you loved them?_ The memories came flooding back like a black-and-white movie playing in front of her eyes. Was it possible that she too…?

Temari flinched.

_It's not love._

Music started to play from a corner of the street.

_I have no reason…_

Shikamaru drew back and straightened his shoulders.

_No reason at all…_

He had heard the music playing in the distance. Presently he held out his hand to her.

She took his hand and nodded.

_No reason to love him._

They walked hand-in-hand toward the crowd that had gathered around the musicians. A lively tune was playing from that corner of the street.

The lamp lights flickered and tiny gusts of cold wind lifted the dust.

A few people had begun to dance. Temari dragged a reluctant Shikamaru into the circle.

A pair of violet eyes watched them from the shadows.

* * *

"You dance terrible."

She grabbed his elbow just in time to stop him from spinning around in the wrong direction and tumbling over.

"You shouldn't really be judging my dancing skills right now."

He looked over her shoulder, embarrassed.

"Do you even _know_ how to?"

"No."

She chuckled. He didn't usually try to do something he didn't want to. The effort would have been 'too troublesome'.

"Then why?"

"Because you asked me to."

They twirled around once more, this time without bumping into each other.

"Because I asked you to?"

"More like _made _me do it."

"Oh? Since when did you start taking orders from a girl?" She grinned.

He was trapped. He knew that the chances of saying _that_ word - which was taboo around Temari - were high in this situation (the word being 'manly') and he really didn't want their conversation to lead into a battle of the sexes.

Shikamaru looked hopelessly up at the sky. It was a clear night and somehow he felt as though even the stars were laughing at him.

"You should be looking at _me_, genius," Temari said, softly lowering his chin with her thumb. "There are no clouds up there to keep you company tonight, so I have you all to myself."

He looked down at her face and caught a glimpse of his own reflection in her eyes.

Just then, the beat changed, and he caught his leg in hers as he jolted forward, embracing her as he tried to secure his footing.

"How troublesome…" he mumbled.

Temari laughed.

The music played louder and faster.

* * *

A glimmer of light passed over the pair of violet eyes as they watched the couple in the circle. The figure tightened the black shawl around his face and adjusted it so that it concealed the dark blood stain near the garment's neck. It was still uncomfortably wet and clung to his skin, but he didn't really have much of a choice if he wanted to make sure nobody spotted him. Especially _her_…

Her arms and legs moved in time with the rhythm of the tune. Her body twisted and twirled and she laughed as she did so. He grinned behind the shawl.

_Looks like she's having fun._

He wondered if he still had a chance at dying.

He closed his eyes and revisited some of the memories they had had together. She was the first person, besides Kakuzu, he had ever had a decent conversation with. She was the only person who hadn't come charging at him with a weapon despite all his efforts to push her beyond her threshold.

He remembered how close he thought he had come to finally dying.

He remembered the rain… the smell of wet earth… the feel of cold hard metal as she brought the kunai to his throat.

He remembered her warm breath near his cheek and her cold body, plastered with drenched clothes, pressing down on his as she slowly and determinedly forced the blade through the skin on his neck. His blood mingled with her red dress and lost itself in its folds as if, for that moment, part of him became her.

And that's when he remembered something else:

_To watch the birth and death of beings is like looking at the movements of a dance._

Hidan's eyes flew open.

_The movements of a dance…_

He tightened his shawl around his face once more and moved in a little closer to the circle. He was now one among the crowd, almost close enough to touch her as she passed by with her partner.

At one point her golden hair whisked past him, lightly brushing his face as if it were a gentle gust of wind caressing him. He noticed that her hair smelt like rain.

He watched as her arms lifted and fell. Her feet shuffled and skipped. Every step of the dance was an individual motion. When one was complete, the next one began. They began and ended so fast that sometimes they looked like one collective movement.

_It's all an illusion, _he thought. _A lie._

If everything that began had to come to an end, if everything that arose had to fall, and if every being that is born has to die, what was the point of living? What was left of this life to hold on to in the end?

What was the point in living? What was the point in dying?

_Lord Jashin, _he prayed, _how come I don't know the answers to these questions? Why don't you show me the way?_

He closed his eyes and listened hard in anticipation of a sign, a hint, a voice. Anything… Yet only the sound of music and the laughter of the crowd came back to him by way of an answer.

Hidan opened his eyes, frustrated.

There she was, dancing away in front of him, seemingly without a care in the world.

He wondered if _she_ could tell him, give him the answers he wanted.

To him, at that moment, she was the embodiment of life. And he, on the other hand, was a living corpse, the mere shell of a being, unable to feel alive unless he bled. Yet, though he bled, he sometimes doubted if he even had a heart.

It was at that moment that a sudden urge to grab her hand swept over him for a split second, but he crushed it almost immediately.

Engrossed in his own thoughts, Hidan barely noticed a kunai whiz past him, just missing his ear by the width of a hair.

Surprised, but still tightly holding on to his shawl to protect his identity, Hidan looked up in the direction of the projectile, feet ready to spring backwards in case of a second attack.

Black eyes glared back at him under knotted black eyebrows. An earring scattered a momentary flash of light that came from one of the street lamps. Shikamaru's body was poised, ready to charge, back turned to Temari.

Just then, teal eyes met violet, and for a fleeting moment, the universe rendered itself motionless.

Her countenance wavered, and his heart skipped a beat.

Not wanting to start anything, Hidan jolted and made for the desert, disappearing in the dunes that looked like a black ocean that night, and Temari craned her neck above Shikamaru's shoulders in an attempt to follow those violet eyes into the darkness.

Shikamaru placed one knee on the ground, the hand signs following not far behind.

"Kagema-"

He was cut short by a hand that rested firmly on his shoulder, reassuring him that there was no more threat.

Shikamaru cocked an eyebrow as he looked up at Temari. He could clearly see through her forced smile - as she tried to withhold him - that all was not right. Yet she kept her hand there, on his shoulder.

He sighed and stood up, still suspicious.

He didn't question her further, though, because he liked to leave things as they were. It would be too much trouble getting involved in somebody else's problems. Yet this was Temari, not just 'anybody else', and Shikamaru felt as if he had a _right_ to know… but soon shrugged the matter off. After all, she was a kunoichi of the Sand, not the Leaf, and naturally had her own national affairs she shouldn't discuss with him. She would tell him if it was something he needed to know.

The outing ended there for the two, and Shikamaru retired to his quarters, and Temari to hers.

_He's here..._

She left the blinds open and stayed awake in anticipation, the familiar feelings resurfacing.

"_But I doubt that's the only reason."_

_"Not the only reason?" _

_"Nope."_

_"What then? What else can it be?"_

_"Love."_

_"Love?"_

_"If he hates him enough he won't regret killing him."_

_It's not love…__  
_

* * *

He tip-toed out of the shower and crept into bed, slowly pulling the bed covers up to his face; quiet, not to wake Kakuzu up. The lumbering figure lay motionless on its side facing the wall on the bed opposite Hidan's.

Hidan snuggled into his bedding and shut his eyes, determined to get a good night's sleep before the next day's ritual. Plus, he was looking forward to another meeting.

"If I remember correctly, there wasn't any midnight rendezvous included in our mission," a deep voice thundered from the opposite end of the room.

Hidan groaned.

"Jeez!"

Dark threads darted out from Kakuzu's still motionless body and wrapped themselves tightly around Hidan's neck and wrists. The latter tried to struggle his way out of the monstrous grip, choking and wincing at the cutting pain.

"The _hell_?!" he managed to choke.

"As a general rule, I dislike having to deal with complications. So if I find out you're planning on running away at three in the morning on some secret errand that may potentially jeopardize our mission, I'll kill you. I hope I've made myself clear?"

Kakuzu released his grip on Hidan and retracted his threads.

Hidan rubbed his wrists. "Tch!" he glowered. "Yes, _mommy._"


	3. Triangle

I wasn't exactly sure what to call this chapter, so I went with 'Triangle'... why? Because Shikamaru thinks so XD

* * *

**_"There is nothing more dreadful than the habit of doubt. Doubt separates people. It is a poison that disintegrates friendships and breaks up pleasant relations. It is a thorn that irritates and hurts; it is a sword that kills."_**

**_- Buddha_**

**Chapter 3 - Triangle**

"Yo."

Temari looked up. "Hey."

Shikamaru was casually walking up toward her, his hand raised in greeting and his face bearing the usual lack of enthusiasm. The raised hand gradually went to the back of his head where it rested as he took a good long look up at the sky.

Temari looked up as well and noticed the few grey clouds that were clearing up for dawn. Like the curtains of an old stage drawing apart for the first act of the play, they slowly parted, letting in the first light onto Sunagakure.

Observing the village from her perch, Temari smiled inwardly, a sense of momentary joy spreading through her as the sunlight crept across it. Suna glowed a fiery orange, sparkling as if it were a village within a snow globe filled with a billion shards of red crystal.

The red sand reminded her of Gaara: as red as the blood of those who sacrificed their lives for their village, and as red as the red sand of home. That was the color of her brother's hair. She drew in a long breath as her heart filled with both pride and sisterly affection.

Shikamaru plopped down on the sand next to her and yawned.

She frowned, her spirits immediately dampened.

Perhaps it was the very audible yawn that put off her spirits that instant. Or perhaps it was the recollection of those violet eyes that stared so fixedly at her last night. For whatever reason though, Temari felt bitter, disturbed, and uneasy. The feeling that something unpleasant was coming seemed to linger about her conscience, and she couldn't fight it off.

She turned her gaze to Shikamaru.

The Chuunin was lying flat on the ground, knees bent, his left leg crossing his right, and his hands cupped behind his head. He looked up at her and yawned loudly in acknowledgement.

Temari cocked an eyebrow at him.

"Rough night?"

"Could have stayed in bed another hour…"

She shook her head. "Seriously."

Shikamaru smirked.

They sat there, watching the new day unveil itself on the still sleeping village below them. The pair remained silent for about fifteen minutes until Shikamaru uncrossed his legs and rolled onto his tummy, the weight of his upper body resting on his elbows.

"So who was the weirdo with the purple eyes?"

Temari flinched at the question. She hated having to cover up things from Shikamaru. He was too hard to convince and his observing eyes saw through everything despite their lazy expression.

"Just some idiot I met once," she said quickly, trying her best to sound uninterested, but failing entirely for he was quick to notice the slight coloration that rose in her ears. Besides, that was probably the lamest reason anyone could come up with in such a situation.

"Yeah sure," he replied, a side smile on his face which now bore an expression that read 'You've got my undivided attention now that I've stumbled upon one of your secrets'.

Temari groaned. His expression was so annoying, yet it also brought out the handsomeness in his features. _Damn,_ she thought. Unable to think of any other explanation, she repeated her words, feeling extremely stupid at her lack of creativity when it came to improvising in the presence of Shikamaru.

"I told you, he's just some idiot I met once, a long time ago."

Shikamaru paused, scanning her features. Reading a visible change in her countenance, he asked in a somewhat mockingly humorous tone: "Is there something …or some_one _I should know about?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

He tried to make his tone light as he spoke. "Do I have to worry about competition?"

"Huh? What?" She knew full well what he was implying, yet…

_Love?_

"I'm asking you..."

_If he hates him enough he won't regret killing him._

"No… no. No there isn't." She felt that the words which came out of her mouth seemed half-hearted.

_It's not love._

A tinge of guilt set in.

Shikamaru sat up. Leaning forward, he looked at her intently, as if searching for answers on her face. She held her breath, trying to mask any emotion that threatened to spill out of her at that moment.

"I think…" he said slowly, and paused to look into her eyes.

Temari blinked.

"I think there _is_," he said softly, his voice somewhat shaky.

A hint of disappointment bordered his voice as he spoke those words. His eyes looked almost sad… or perhaps slightly angry… she couldn't tell. But she suspected that he had probably seen right through her. He might have been both, angry and sad, at the same time.

He shifted his gaze slightly to the right so that his eyes were fixed on the scenery that unfolded behind her. To look at her at that moment somehow felt like torture.

She stared at him in silence.

"Heh."He tried to change the topic. "Heh… _So,_ I suppose you'll be… um… paying Konoha a visit next month as well?"

He picked the cheesiest topic.

He couldn't help it.

He felt himself struggling for words. He was confused. The emotions that began to well up inside him were entirely alien. It seemed as though a darkness had begun to spread throughout his entire being, something tainted with the bitter hunch that he had been betrayed.

"Yes."

He had parents and friends, but none had caused him to experience such a deep feeling of betrayal. Although he knew it was just a hunch, an assumption that there was somebody else in her heart, he found himself fumbling to find that much needed composure he once so easily called upon during trying situations. One could always count on Shikamaru to keep a cool head and deal with things, no matter how bad the situation got. That was one of the attributes to which he was given credit for being a genius. Yet at that moment, he felt entirely lost. And he couldn't even sleep it off… She'd kill him if he decided to fall asleep right there.

"I see. And Kankuro?"

He understood now what Naruto must have felt. Back then, when the five of them attempted to retrieve Sasuke, he, Shikamaru, was only following orders. He had never really liked Sasuke from the very beginning, so he didn't harbor any sentimental feelings for the guy when he left Konoha three years ago. However, what Sasuke did then clearly was betrayal. And Naruto and Sakura were still hurting from its effects.

"He might, if he doesn't have anything else going on at the time."

But this was different. This was worse than knowing that the person closest to you had chosen to turn their back on you. It was much worse. With Temari, he _didn't_ know. The 'what if…' that accompanied the feeling was even more agonizing than knowing for sure. He didn't want to suspect, but he couldn't help thinking about it.

"I see."

The situation became even worse for him when he realized something: they were not 'officially' dating. It was true that they both seemed to behave as if they were, and even _she_ positively reciprocated, but he didn't feel it was sufficient to rely on mere assumption to guess his place.

"He's working on a fourth puppet so… I'm guessing he might want to spend some time on it."

She disliked that part of him – the part that stayed aloof. She _was_ thankful that he wasn't pushing the subject but she still felt as if he should have been a little more concerned. _Like hell, _she thought_, why is he changing the damn subject when he ought to be concerned?_ A new twang of confused guilt knotted somewhere in her belly. What was she thinking? Did she _want_ him to be… _jealous_?

Jealous of what?

Of Hidan?

But she hated him… so there wasn't any reason for him to be jealous, right?

"Hnn. Adding to his arsenal I see."

Shikamaru looked at her uneasily. She was now frowning at him, thinking. Thinking about what? _Kami-sama,I hope she isn't going to attack me. Please tell me I didn't say anything wrong... _

He wasn't going to push the subject, though, out of fear. Fear of two things.

First, he was afraid that his suspicions might be confirmed, that there _was_ competition out there (which also meant that their 'relationship' could get troublesome). Second, he was afraid of hurting Temari, especially if the whole thing really wasn't that big of a deal. It would hurt her a lot if he were to say he didn't trust her.

The question weighed heavily on his mind, however, and his conversational skills were refusing to function properly. Everything was so complicated.

He sighed. Women were indeed very troublesome…

_Man! What a drag…_ _Dad, wish you were here right now… _

Not wanting to seem unmanly in front of her, he forced the offending emotion to the very back of his mind and made out a soft "hnn" as he smiled at her.

She looked back at him, still frowning.

"Look, hey, It's not what you think… You don't understand so don't just go assuming things… You see I… I…" Her voice hitched a little as she tried to pronounce the words 'I hate him'.

Just then a messenger bird landed beside Shikamaru.

She didn't get to finish her sentence.

He immediately recognized the seal on the message as the Hokage's.

Quickly undoing the neat scroll tied around the bird's leg, Shikamaru read the note. He winced.

"Jeez." He scratched the back of his head with his free hand, the other one holding the offending note.

He looked up at Temari.

"Sorry but um… I have to go."

She only stared back.

"Tell the Kazekage that I'd be leaving earlier than anticipated and that I won't be Konoha's representative for the last two meetings. The Hokage has already sent a replacement and he will be here shortly."

He rolled up the message, quickly wrote a new one, fastened it onto the bird and let it take off.

The chuunin yawned for the third time that morning.

"I should return immediately. Looks like it's some urgent mission which apparently only I can handle. What a _drag_…" he sighed, and giving her a parting squeeze on her shoulder, got up to leave.

She touched his hand and turned to meet his eyes.

He nodded and smiled. He decided he wasn't going to dwell on it too long.

He lightly touched her cheek.

"We'll keep in touch."

She watched as his figure faded into the early morning light.

Violet eyes and that unforgettable sneer flashed before her.

_I hate you... _

_I hate you... _

_I'll kill you…_

* * *

It was well past midnight. About two, actually.

Her eyes hurt. She had been squinting into the vast expanse of sand for any sign of movement for hours now.

She was unarmed, except for her fan. No explosives, no traps. Temari knew he wasn't out to kill her. Well at least he wasn't going to harm her, not physically. Not with weapons. In fact he wanted _her_ to kill him. So there wasn't _that_ kind of threat.

But killing him probably came with a price: his death for her sanity.

The last time she remembered, she had almost lost herself. Her obsession with hatred for the man had eaten away at her heart, her conscience, and even her body, that she had finally evolved into someone – or some_thing_ – unrecognizable.

And no, he hadn't even touched her.

But it was _she_ who hadn't left him alone. It was her hatred for Akatsuki, her _fear_, which kept her there: watching, waiting, teasing, and taunting him… until she made him a threat to herself when she accepted his challenge to kill him.

She was only four when she lost her mother, and gained a demon for a brother. At fifteen she lost her father, the Yondaime Kazekage. Gaara, by this time, had slowly realized his purpose in life, and was pushing away the demon within, opening up to his family instead. Orphaned and alone, both Temari and Kankuro had encouraged and welcomed the rebirth of their baby brother.

Gaara had soon become one of them.

It was during this period of calm that Akatsuki invaded Sunagakure.

The news had shattered her. Although it had been only three precious years spent with her little brother, the news left her feeling the pain of a billion knives stabbing her heart.

_Never again_, she vowed. Never again was she going to let anybody lay a finger or graze the shadows of her brothers. Too much had been taken away from her. Kankuro and Gaara were the only family she had and she wasn't going to lose them.

She hated Akatsuki. She was going to kill every single one of them when she got the chance.

And then Hidan strode into her life.

She had already made her decision: she decided to make him her problem.

So she molded her fear into loathing. Her emotions dissolved one by one until there was nothing left but pure distilled hatred, an abyss taking the place of her heart. She became the weapon that would finally kill him, devoid of any emotion except its purpose: to kill. To destroy. To annihilate.

But you can't cut your wrist with a butter knife.

Her body took its toll, weakening her physically. Her sense of self faded. Her strength diminished.

And in the end, the weapon couldn't deliver.

Yet she wanted to see him again. She wasn't sure _why_ though.

* * *

3.00 am. She hadn't eaten, hadn't slept.

_Bastard. Where the fuck are you? _

Her eyes drifted, alert, over the black dunes, watching, waiting, for something. Anything.

But all she could see was nothing.

Nothing moved.

_I'm waiting…_

And there it was.

She froze as she heard the silent whoosh of sand lifting itself up into the stillness of the night.

Something darker than the blackness of the eerie desert bordering Sunagakure moved.

It was the faintest of movements, barely visible, but she noticed it.

In a split second her hand instinctively moved up to her fan.

The dark dot in the distance stood still.

_Damnit! _

Temari regretted the move. He was probably going to move with more caution now.

She glanced at her watch.

It was already 3.15 in the morning.

Cursing her instincts, she looked back up at where the dot used to be, only to find it gone.

_What the _hell!

She screamed in her mind. She doubted. Had it really been him? Had it been someone? Or had she just imagined it there? Imagined a darkness darker than dark in the middle of the desert…

And then she saw it.

Her breath stilled as she realized the dot had moved again.

It was closer, much closer, and it was no longer just a dot.

Red clouds floated motionless on the desert…

Hair as silver as the moonlight…

And that face… a face so demonically angelic…

And violet eyes.

"Hey, bitch!"

There was no mistaking it.

_He_ was here.

* * *

_I have a heart, _he thought, noticing how it skipped a beat again when he found her gaze sitting alert on his form. _How depressing._

He grinned.

"Lover boy not around?"

She only flinched in response.

"What? There was a lot of PDA last night I couldn't help but notice." He sounded amused.

She scowled. _For how long have you been watching us, bastard?_

She changed the subject.

"Why did you return?"

"Because you wanted me to."

She felt her cheeks redden. That _was_ true. But he made it sound so… _awkward._

"Tch. Who'd want to see _you_?"

The man's features changed from amused to smug.

"Seriously, you have _no_ idea." Saying which he undid his cloak and let it fall around his feet.

She felt the desert get colder for a moment.

A dark pattern – which she knew was blood – clung to the pale skin on his chest.

"Yeah, and she totally _liked_ me." Laughter laced his voice. A casual, indifferent laughter.

She bit her lip, still silent, taking in the familiar features of the demon that still haunted her.

With a wink that was clearly visible under the moonlight, he added: "It was her first time too."

_You damned fucking bastard! _The familiar loathing rose inside.

"Too bad though, she was only fourteen." Casual, indifferent, _mocking…_ unforgivable.

"You sick, demented pedophile… You--"

"Hey hey _woah_! Relax, she was only eight years younger than me _jeez_."

"Excuse me?"

"Yeah you heard me. Eight years."

"But she's _fourteen_."

"And he's _fifteen_." He smirked.

Temari frowned.

"Jealous, much?"

"Heh. You bet."

She grinned.


	4. Like a Flash of Lightning

**Author's note**: Wow, this one took forever. And that's because I just lost all motivation D: Although it's weird how I've got the last chapters figured out already… heh XD

* * *

**Chapter 4 - Like a Flash of Lightning**

She stared down at his pale form standing only a few meters below her. A smug smile broke over her otherwise stony features. She had liked his answer: "You bet."

She knew it meant nothing. He was only toying with her. In fact, if he meant anything at all, then he meant the exact opposite.

He wasn't jealous. No way in hell was he jealous. He just wanted an excuse to kill him, to kill Shikamaru.

He wanted to take him away from her. He wanted to hurt her. He wanted her to fear him. He wanted her to hate him.

And hate him she will. With all her heart. With every ounce of her being. With every drop of her soul. She _will_ hate him.

She hated him already. He didn't have to remind her. She hated him the day she laid eyes on him.

But just now he had given her a legitimate purpose. Just now he had actually threatened her. Just now he had given her motive: Shikamaru.

She grinned. She really liked his answer.

The moon reflected evilly in her green eyes. They stared down at him from above like those of a cat quietly observing its prey.

The game was on.

She was not going to let him lay even a finger on the only man outside her family that she cared about. _Her_ Shikamaru.

He would have laughed if he could have heard what she just said. She could picture the quizzical expression on his face. He would have told her she was being scary again.

But right now, she didn't care. She didn't care what Shikamaru would think. All she knew was that right now, the only thing that mattered was to keep the demon away from him. She was going to make sure that he, Hidan, would not even _dare_ do such a thing as even _think_ of stepping on Shikamaru's shadow.

Temari's train of thought came to a screeching halt at the realization of what had just crossed her mind. _Did I just say 'step on Shikamaru's shadow'?_ She giggled. Really, she had absolutely no reason to worry about the bastard stepping on _Shikamaru's_ shadow! He was a Nara after all: a master of shadows.

The brief moment of diversion found herself carrying her thoughts into a detailed image of what the shadow nin might do if Hidan had been caught in his shadow. Perhaps they could work together again, just like the old days. They'd be a team, and finish the bastard off.

Instead of having him move around, she could have him positioned still – restrained and motionless, against his will. He would curse loudly, angry at her for bringing the Nara into it. It would piss him off no end.

She thought about it. Sharing such a moment with the Nara boy started to seem like a good idea after all. And Hidan would hate it. Yes, she liked the idea.

And then she would slice the life out of him. She would use his own weapon too, that big red lumbering scythe. She would tear through his flesh, slowly, ever so slowly, sinking the blades deeper and deeper. The scythe could probably even saw through bone. Could it?

She licked her lips. To saw through his bones? How long would it take just to cut through the humerus? What sound would it make? Yes, she would strive to make them neat cuts. No jagged ends if she could help it. And it had to be slow. Yes, she _loved_ the idea.

Hungry eyes skimmed over the torso of the object of her loathing standing just a few yards away from her. The nerves in her hand twitched excitedly, her fingers flicking to curl, and then quickly flexing out again. Yes, she knew exactly where to start. She would take away those hands of his first, those despicable, unholy hands that existed to serve no other purpose than to snuff the life out of others, as if they were lighted candles, waiting to be blown away.

And once she was done with his hands, Temari thought, she would go for his tongue. She'd slit the ends of his mouth all the way up to his cheeks, and then push her hand in and grab hold of that vile tongue of his that could speak so callously about the things he had done. She'd cut it out and shove it down his throat.

What next? Ah yes. Temari smiled. Next she would carve out his chest and rip out his stone heart. She stopped herself just then and almost laughed. Did he even have one? No matter. _Might as well find out then_.

She imagined herself prying into his open chest, hand tightly wrapping around his heart. She could see herself twisting it apart from the vessels that connected to it. Blood gushed out from the spaces between her fingers and down her arm with every rupture. She saw herself twisting and twisting, until the organ broke free, numb and weakly beating.

Then she would slowly tear him up until there was nothing left of him but ribbons of matted flesh, muscle, and entrails.

She imagined herself smiling at Shikamaru. "Look, Nara, he can't hurt you now."

Still looking at the scene through her mind's eye, Temari sees his violet eyes staring up at her, mocking, dancing with mirth. She slashes them.

They won't haunt her any more.

Temari steps back and looks at the mess in front of her. Those violet eyes were still looking up at her. She shudders (just a little).

Reality hits her.

_What… what was I thinking?_

For a moment, she finds herself appalled at her own thoughts.

Hidan was staring at her intently, scythe standing firmly in the sand in front of him, hands folded and resting his chin over the top of the staff.

She noticed him.

He was watching her, reading her. His expression did not waver as he observed the changes in her features while she engrossed herself in her imagination. He was just… intrigued.

She looked so damn dangerous tonight. Hell, even her eyes glowed. There was something appealing about that.

A cheeky grin played on his lips.

Temari flinched and wrapped her cloak tighter around her. The air dropped a few degrees the moment their eyes met. She shivered a little. The wind visibly blew harder.

He, on the other hand, still stood there shirtless and unfazed. How could he stand there, without as much as even flinching, in this biting cold? His intent and smug demeanor made her nervous… but only just a little.

She wasn't going to let him make her any more nervous. She needed to break the unspoken contact.

"Did you come here just to stare at me all night long?"

The effect was immediate. Hidan mentally shook himself from his trance. "Heh," he chuckled. Furrowing his eyebrows, he added: "Oi. Don't flatter yourself."

Temari rolled her eyes. "Then why did you come?"

"I told you," he shrugged, retracting his chin so that he was standing back with his arms folded atop the staff of his scythe. "It's because you wanted to see me."

"Tch."

"Seriously."

She only kept silent as a response, frowning at him, trying to guess his ulterior motives.

Hidan laughed as he caught her looking intently at him. "What?"

There was a pause. He grinned. "Who knows, maybe I like you."

"Stop joking around! I know you're here because Akatsuki sent you."

"Heh… Maybe. Maybe not."

"Akatsuki has no business in Sunagakure."

"Yeah, because you pathetic Suna nins don't have a Jinchuuriki anymore." He flashed her a dangerous smile as he pronounced the word 'Jinchuuriki'. She balled her fists.

"But you crossed the border yesterday… at the festival."

"So?"

"So…?"

"So I'm surprised you guys didn't call an all out attack or something on me yet."

Temari blushed. She hadn't reported the presence of the Akatsuki member to anyone. It was, after all, part of her duty to report anything suspicious, and she had purposely refrained from mentioning the encounter. She gritted her teeth realizing that he now had enough reason to believe that she _had_, in fact, been waiting to see him again.

Why did she need to see him anyway? Why did she want to punish herself? What the hell could she do? The bastard was immortal for god's sake, so it was not like she could actually make a difference.

She cursed all the gods of every religion she could think of for creating such a demon. She cursed them twice for having let their paths cross. She couldn't get rid of him, and he kept coming back. And she _wanted_ him to just keep coming back.

But _why_? It was a question she had asked herself countless times before. She had tried to wrap her mind around it. She really did try. But it was always the same.

_Because I hate him, _she told herself. Yet that reason wasn't good enough. It didn't explain the longing, the expectation, the _need_. Hate was not something like that. Hate was something people tried to push away, not embrace, if they had the choice.

It was always the same. She _had_ no answer.

"_Why_… did you come…?" she thought out aloud, enough for him to hear.

"Huh, it sounds almost as if you want me to leave," he said in a tone of mock dejection.

_Yes! Leave, you bastard! Leave! And never come back! _

But of course, that little voice in the depths of her mind called out: _No, don't go. Stay here. Stay here where I can see you, keep an eye on you, watch you. Stay, you bastard. Stay…_

Somewhere in the distance a flashlight flickered. The border patrol nins were changing shifts. Faraway voices echoed over the desert. The gates were opening for workers to cross over to the oasis in Tori country to resume work on the water pipes that fed Sunagakure.

Hidan made a slight sound in his throat and brought his left hand down to his side from his scythe.

"Guess that's my cue, eh?"

He pulled out the massive weapon from the ground. It dislodged its blades from the sand with such a force that a thick cloud of sand momentarily hung in front of him, temporarily concealing her view of him.

Temari stood rooted to her spot.

_He's leaving me again… _

He slung the scythe over his shoulder and bent to pick up his neglected cloak still lying at his feet. It was grimy, and stuck to the folds of the fabric in some sort of a bundle. He gave it a rough shake.

_Stay_…

He waved the cloak at her briskly. "Oi!"

Her ears perked up.

"I'll get here a little early tomorrow..."

She froze.

Violet eyes glinted dangerously in the moonlight.

"But I guess you knew that already."

Temari watched as he turned and walked into the shadows.

_Go!_

_**Stay!**_

_Leave!_

_**Stop!**_

_Just keep on walking._

_**Wait!**_

"Wait." She croaked.

He stopped.

_Why?_

He tilted his head a little to look at her from over his shoulder.

She caught a glimpse of his face for a moment.

Just a moment.

Then he turned back to where he was headed and simply disappeared into the darkness.

From that distance, she could hardly tell herself, but Temari swore she saw the hint of a smile on his lips.

_Why…?_

_

* * *

_

_**_

_Hey Nara,_

_Just checking to see if you got back home already. Not that you're going to read this or anything, since you're already on a mission. _

_Temari_

_**_

She tapped her pen on the desk, trying to think of anything else to add to the letter. Something nice, perhaps? Like… Like…?

Like what?

Like a 'missing you already'…?

Temari thought for a long moment before shaking her head and giving up on the idea. Nope. Won't do. They weren't quite 'there' yet…

She sealed the envelope and went out to find the nearest mail box. She had originally thought of sending it through express mail, but... _It's not like it'll take more than a day to get it through to Konoha_, she thought, almost knocking over an old lady on the way to the post office.

She didn't even bother to stop and help. _Tch_ _I don't have the time!_

She dropped the letter into the red box. A dull thud told her it had hit the top of the pile of packages inside.

Standing there, she felt strange.

The moment she heard the envelope fall into the box, a new sense of realization set in. Her entire relationship with the shadow user had changed. She had, probably, taken it one step further.

It was her first personal letter to him.

Truthfully, however, it was nothing more than just a note – the type of thing you'd write out on a sticky note and past on the fridge.

Still, it was the first time she had written to him about something entirely unrelated to public relations or diplomacy.

Her hand rested on the top of the mailbox, her thumb unconsciously swinging the metal flap. It creaked.

What would he think?

Why was she doing this?

Did she really have to worry?

Should she dig it back out of the box?

Would a simple note make such a big difference?

Why did she care?

_Why do I think too much?!_

With a parting creak, she let go of the mailbox and turned to go.

The old lady she had toppled over was now nowhere in sight. _Good_, she thought. It was not surprising, really. Cranky old women did not hang around to exact apologies from Sabaku no Temari.

They took it out on Kankuro instead.

She looked up. The sky was reddening again.

Temari clenched her fists.

"_I'll get here a little early tomorrow..." _

"Damn right you will," she muttered to herself.

She found herself drifting off back to the image she had drawn in her mind the previous night.

She saw his broken body, lying in front of her, dismembered into a thousand pieces, unrecognizable.

_Would that even be possible? Would that… really kill him?_

Violet eyes stared back at her.

Temari stopped.

She looked back in the direction of the mailbox. _Be careful, Nara._

Turning back, she saw him, only just a few paces away, hands on scythe, torso bared; _there_ in the middle of the freezing desert, looking up at her.

Looking _only_ at her.

Her heart stopped for a fraction of a second before it started to beat faster. She unconsciously found herself taking longer strides.

_I will wait for you..._

Her footsteps become lighter.

_Wait for me!_

She broke into a run.

"I won't forgive you if you don't!" she yelled. Bystanders looked at her, confused, amused, quizzical.

What? Forgive? Since when did _he_ deserve any kind of forgiveness?

He didn't.

But she said it anyway.

* * *

"But seriously, I'm a little disappointed," he told her that night. True to his word, he arrived an entire half hour earlier.

"Why would you be?"

"You've found a new hobby."

She cocked her head to a side, frowning. "Excuse me?"

"Y'know, the pineapple head," he replied, cocking his head to a side as well, as if mocking her.

Temari only frowned a little more.

"And here I thought I was the only one allowed to take up all your time." His eyes danced playfully as they swallowed in her expression.

"I'm surprised, really," he continued a while later.

"About what?"

"About you guys. You and that fifteen year old Konoha brat." He chuckled. "Seriously, I didn't think you were the type who was into younger men."

"Tch!"

"I guess that seriously lowers my chances, heh."

Temari felt her cheeks get warmer. He was getting beyond annoying. An eyebrow twitching, she stated: "What the hell makes you think that? From the very beginning, you never so much as even _had_ a chance."

He laughed.

There was no moon that night, but she could see him clearly; as clearly as one can see a pebble at the bottom of a still pond.

The wind was strong, but she could still hear him clearly, as clear as a bell in the still air.

His laughter wasn't the same hysterical, evil, mocking laugh.

Just now, he was laughing as if what she had said had triggered the recollection of a happy memory.

He was _honestly_ laughing…

In those rare moments that played before her, his face bore no hint of sarcasm.

Temari could only stand and wonder.

Had she said something awkward?

His laughter faded into an irregular series of soft chuckles.

She waited for him to say something.

"No shit! From the very beginning huh?" He was still recovering from his bout of amusement. "Like you even needed to tell me that. Hell you even tried to freaking set me on fire!"

_The flares_, she remembered.

It was the first time she had stolen a proper glance at him.

She found herself smiling despite everything.

_The very beginning…_

_

* * *

  
_

"Aren't you supposed to be reviewing the entries for the Chuunin exams?"

A yellow butterfly evicted itself from a nearby blade of grass. Shikamaru's nose caught a wisp of cigarette smoke. He turned.

"Asuma."

"Hmm."

Asuma sat down on the grass beside his lazy ex-student who happened to be reclining in the fields watching the clouds instead of working on the exam documents.

He exhaled another puff of smoke into the air. It floated in a pattern of swirls.

Shikamaru smiled to himself. "So Kurenai sensei's got other things to do today, huh?" he added slyly.

He could practically _feel_ Asuma turn beet red.

"Eh what?! What's that supposed to mean?"

A chuckle escaped the shadow nin. "There's no point in hiding it you know."

"You kids are supposed to mind your own business and let the adults do theirs," Asuma mumbled, noticeably embarrassed at the fact that his favorite student was in on his little secret.

Shikamaru grinned, turning his gaze back onto the clouds. "Heh."

Asuma sat, quite uncomfortable, for a long moment, blowing clouds of smoke before he said: "So. How was the trip to Sunagakure?"

"Hmm? Just the usual."

"I see."

"Yeah."

"I see."

There was another pause before Asuma repeated himself. "I see."

Shikamaru knew where the conversation was headed. "Okay what?"

"Hmm? I don't know. You tell me."

The shadow nin sighed. Man, Asuma sure wasn't planning on letting the subject drop.

"Okay. Where do you… want me to start?"

Another puff of smoke. "How 'bout you start with why you're so glum?"

Shikamaru uncrossed his hands and crossed them again. "You can tell?"

Asuma only laughed in response.

The Nara sighed. _Guess I'm going to have to divulge after all._

"Alright. Alright." He sighed again. Explaining things was hard. Plus, it was embarrassing. "So maybe the 'trip' to Suna didn't really go that well."

"Hmm. 'Maybe'?" Asuma looked at his former student. "She dropped the ball on you?"

"Not really…"

"Right." The jounin tapped the ash from his cigarette. "Something came up?"

"Yeah, something like that."

"And you're not sure anymore."

Shikamaru only stared at the clouds.

"What happened?"

_The clouds. They look so free…_

"There was this guy at the festival. He was an outsider, I could tell."

Asuma made an amused sound in his throat.

_Not a care in the world…_

"And they knew each other, I could... tell."

Asuma's cigarette found its way back into his mouth. "What did he say?"

"Nothing. It was just a look. You know."

His sensei smiled.

"And after that she seemed very distracted."

"Is that so?"

"Look, I know it's really stupid. It's not like we're officially dating or anything, I haven't even asked her yet." At this, Asuma raised his eyebrows a notch higher. He opened his mouth to speak, but shut it almost immediately when he saw that Shikamaru still had more to say.

"I usually have all the answers when it comes to other things. And I can always get myself out of a tight corner. But this is just really stupid."

The older man sucked in a deep breath of smoke. "Well," he exhaled. "It looks like you might have finally found yourself a male opponent."

* * *

"Why do you come?"

"Stop asking me that, I've given you an answer already."

She eyed him suspiciously. "The circumstances were different last time."

"Hah! _Last time_, I was trying to _pray_ when you fucking threw things at me and didn't _leave me alone_!"

Even if that just might have been the case _then_, it didn't seem as if he wanted to be left alone _now_.

"What's your excuse this time? You don't come here to pray, neither is there any stream to bathe in. Not on this side of the desert at least."

"Let's just say I was in the neighborhood, so I decided to pay a visit," he replied casually, shrugging his broad shoulders.

_So he was staying in a neighboring village. _

"That answer's not good enough."

"Seriously, what's your problem?"

"Sorry but I need to make sure that your motives for visiting aren't related to threatening my village."

_Or anybody else who's close to me_, she added silently.

"Jeez woman, I've told you already, we have no interest in your village anymore."

"The Konoha-Suna summit has concluded as well."

"What the hell?! Now you're thinking I've come here to target the Konoha representative?" He threw his hands up in the air. "Jeez! With you, it's always a conspiracy!"

But as soon as he had finished, his eyebrows rose in realization.

_Hah! That's right… the Konoha representative. How the fuck did I miss that!_

"Heh, what? Think your precious much-younger-than-you pineapple-head Konoha shinobi lover-boy is the reason I'm here?" The situation was too much to suppress a chortle.

She bit her lower lip.

A wry smile crept across his features. "Hmm… it wasn't exactly part of my plan but… I _will_ if you want me to."

Temari's stomach turned at his words.

_Don't you dare touch him, you bastard!_

He left immediately after, trudging through the deep sand, an irksome grin plastered on his annoying face.

She watched him disappear into the shadows. She stood rooted to her spot until she was absolutely sure he was gone.

Her only consolation was that he had walked in the opposite direction to Konoha.

* * *

The next morning, she ran to the front door at the sound of the postman walking up to her mailbox.

There were three envelopes containing information about the upcoming Chuunin exams, an advertisement for a travelling circus, and a book for Kankuro.

There wasn't any letter from Shikamaru.

* * *

"Why do people do that anyway?"

"What?"

A particular green book nudged him in the thigh once again. "Protect."

She looked at him, confused. _What kind of a question is that? _

"You know, I never really got that kind of thing? Seriously. It's not like you won't be betrayed in the end. Or the ones you're protecting will just die on you. And then what's the damn use of all that time wasted? It's not like you're going to take them with you in the end. You die alone. Everyone dies alone. So why bother?"

_Why bother?_ He couldn't die, so how would he know? What did _he_ know about losing someone? He existed to kill. His own religion dictated murder. Loss is not something he could feel, or even comprehend.

He was just a monster, non-human.

He was allowed to take everything for granted.

But _she_ didn't have that privilege. She wasn't gifted with immortality. She didn't have all the time in the world.

She was only given a short lifespan, the exact duration of which even she had no idea. Her life could end tomorrow, or the day after, or in two years. She had no way of telling. And that was what made life so dear to her. It was what made the lives of those she loved so dear to her.

"_A lifetime was like a flash of lightning in the sky, _

_Rushing by, like a torrent down a steep mountain."_

Where had she read that before?

The very uncertainty of life was what made it so precious. You couldn't depend on time to protect something that precious. Time was the enemy. Time brought things into life and then took them away. Time waited for no one.

But _he_ had all the time in the world, and it wasn't fair. To him, the transient nature of life was an alien concept. And because of that, he had no way of knowing what it meant to cherish the few precious moments that life gave to spend with those you love.

Temari could have told him all this, but she didn't. She only watched him as he waited for her to answer.

He'd never understand, so there was no point in wasting her breath on him. _Why bother_, she told herself, mocking his statement.

Instead she questioned brusquely: "What, are you trying to convert me?"

"I'm just asking you a question."

He sounded almost disappointed.

* * *

Temari met the postman at the gate again the next day.

He handed her a poster that listed precautionary measures to be taken against the flu season.

She frowned. Either he was still on that mission, or he was still angry at her. Or…?

_No_…

She willed her mind to stray from deducing worst case scenarios, but she found herself thinking about them anyway.

_He_ had been asking her too many questions about life and loss. Coincidence? She didn't think so.

He _wanted_ her to think about loss. He _wanted_ her to think about pain. He _wanted_ her to think about impermanence… because he most probably might have taken something away from her already.

And then, when she finally found out, he would laugh in her face.

If that was what it was, then he was beyond cruel.

She scribbled another note to Shikamaru. This time she used a messenger bird to deliver it.

* * *

He came back that night, like an itch that refused to go away.

"What would you do if you lost everything?"

Everything? Surely this was more than just a threat. _Damn you Nara, I hate your silence._

She dwelled on his question for a moment. What _would_ she do if she lost everything? She'd come apart of course. She'd lose her purpose in life. There was no point in living without anything, at least not for her. She had known loss, and she knew it was something she'd rather live without, if given a choice.

If she lost everything, she'd break into a million pieces. And if anybody tried to pick one of those pieces up from the mess, then that piece too would shatter into a million more.

But she wasn't going to tell him that.

Instead she asked: "What would _you_ do if you lost everything?"

He answered promptly, not stopping to think: "Can't lose anything if you don't have anything to lose."

Temari smiled. " 'Having nothing.' Isn't that a Buddhist ideal?" she mused.

He gave her an accusatory look. "And I'm supposed to know that?"

" 'Embrace nothing. If you meet the Buddha, kill the Buddha. If you meet your father, kill your father. Only live your life as it is, not bound to anything.' Hah! It's almost as if I envy you now."

"And this is important because?" he asked in an indifferent tone. Seriously, where was the fucking point in preaching Buddhism to a Jashin priest?

"I'm just saying. You don't have anything to lose. So that's what makes you immune to things like loss and regret."

He grinned. "If only life was that simple."

"But it isn't," she replied, matter-of-factly.

"Life's a bitch."

"Never said it was easy."

"So why don't you just let them go? Kill them all, like the guy said."

"It's better to hold on to something than to have nothing."

"Is that what keeps you going?"

"Perhaps." She paused, and then added: "I'm not like you."

He let out a short laugh. "That's like fucking obvious."

* * *

Temari checked her mail again the next morning.

There was a postcard for Kankuro.

* * *

That night, in Konoha, he re-read the note she had sent him.

It had been sitting on his desk for two days now. He _had _thought about writing out a reply, but couldn't think of anything to say in it. It was not like she had asked him any question. So, how exactly was he supposed to answer it?

More importantly, why had she sent him a note in the first place? How was this important? What purpose did it satisfy? It sure didn't look like any sort of apology.

It sounded as though she were concerned. _Concerned about what?_

He furrowed his eyebrows, annoyed. Women were too hard to figure out.

He shook his head and put the letter back on the desk.

_I'll think of something soon._

And with that, he went to bed.

* * *

*

*

PS: Thank you for taking the time to read Transient this far. I would really really really appreciate it if you could also take the time to review :) Next chapter will have more Hidan... maybe ;)

* * *


	5. Familiar Situations

Chapter 5. This one's mostly Hidan. Oh, and since it's really hard to tell just by looking at the change in font, I added *** before and after every flashback (Oh noes! There be flashbacks in this chapter O.O)

Two more chapters to go XD

* * *

**Chapter 5 – Familiar Situations**

Teacups clanged nearby. He looked up over his cup of green tea: the waitress was scrambling through the tight maze of crowded tables to get to table number three on the right hand corner of the shop.

Three men sat hunched over a piece of paper at table three. Three old men, he noted. One of them was very, very old. The bald man who sat by the window jabbed a finger at the document on the table and said something in hushed tones. The other man sitting next to the bald one only leaned back with his arms crossed, eyes half lidded. The old man sitting across the table from the pair leaned forward, frowning, glaring accusingly at the bald one who was talking to him.

He couldn't hear a word of it of course; not that it interested him either. It was probably just another argument over money. He raised his cup again and took a sip of his tea.

Teacups clanged again. The waitress had finally reached table three and was putting down cups of steaming beverage in front of the three men. She tucked her tray under her arm as she went about setting the saucers of dango around the table. The old ninja brushed his saucer aside and pushed the piece of paper towards the men in front of him. The girl leaned forward and spoke to them, probably to ask if there was anything else they required. She merely received a dismissive glance from the bald man.

Hidan set down his cup on the table and pushed his chair back. It grated against the dirty floor, leaving white streaks. _That idiot's going to take forever_. He rose from his seat and reached out to the edge of his table to pick up his scythe.

The same waitress who had waited on table three presently rushed to his table to pick up his empty cup and saucer. She smiled at him and made a slight bow. He nodded vaguely.

Slinging his massive weapon over his shoulder, he made his way toward the exit. The café grew quiet, hushed voices dominating the low buzzing that hovered in the air. Eyes cast wary stares at the red blades. People averted their eyes when he casually glanced their way. He grinned derisively, angling his scythe a notch higher so that the blades stood more visibly to the crowd gathered. He could feel them tense in fear behind him.

He glanced at table number three from outside the shop window as he passed into the nearby street. Kakuzu shot him a glare from where he sat. He knew what it meant: _"Stay out of trouble."_ Hidan shrugged, sending him a wink along the way. _I'll try_.

Kakuzu sighed inaudibly and quickly turned his attention back to the two men he was conducting his meeting with.

Outside, Hidan ventured out into the mass of busy people. The street seemed pretty crowded, he noted. And it was only five in the morning. Work started way too early for this village. Even so, he had no trouble sailing past the crowd at whatever pace he chose to walk, because the crowd seemed to part when he stepped forward. He grinned. _Are my scythe and good looks that scary? _

He flashed a casual wink at a young lady who was standing by a vegetable stall. She blushed and looked away, a shy smile playing on her features. The man next to her shot Hidan a glare.

Hidan cocked his eyebrow, playfully challenging him. He brought down his scythe with a single powerful swing. It hit the ground with a dull thud, disturbing a puff of dust. The man's eyes widened in fear and he instinctively placed a hand in front of the woman, shielding her from the impending attack. The crowd gasped, widening the radius of empty space between themselves and Hidan by another few meters.

_Seriously_, he thought, and started to walk again, dragging his weapon behind him. Clouds of dust followed him.

The town they had been staying in was a poor one. Shabby houses and small unimpressive shops lined the streets.

Hidan occasionally came across a few severely destroyed structures along the way. Nobody seemed to have bothered with renovation. Rusty kunai lay undisturbed within the overgrown grass and faded bloodstains smeared the crumbling walls.

As he left the town behind and entered the countryside, the scenery began to change notably. One or two people scurried to and fro, carrying heavy bundles of something. Probably something to sell, he figured. Now and then scorched tree trunks stood with their arms raised toward heaven, as if begging for salvation from the flames. Clusters of unmarked graves dotted the scenery every half mile or so. They were vestiges of war.

He looked away, the bitterness tugging at him once again. _Bastards! Fighting over nothing but selfish ideals_. It was the same everywhere he went. _They fucking deserved to die_.

The smell of wet earth met his nostrils. Small puddles dotted the entrance of an abandoned playground. It had rained yesterday.

He looked up: bodies of nimbostratus clouds were steadily making their way across the sky. _Well how about that_, he thought. _We'll be having shitty weather tonight as well_.

Hidan made his way to a rusty swing. His scythe cut through the soft earth as it tailed behind him.

Violet eyes scanned the small swing. Flecks of paint were already peeling away from the metal chains. For what reason they had been colored, he had no idea. One of the chains had snapped and the links twisted out of shape. A decaying wooden seat with cracked white paint hung from the only good chain that held it. The lower half of the broken one lay half buried in mud on the ground right below. And right next to it, quite inconspicuous, was the hint of a forked object.

He stooped to pick it up.

Hidan laughed at himself as he wiped the layers of mud away from the object. What was he doing picking up half buried things from the mud? Was he that bored? The mud came off easily, revealing something that made the young priest's eyes sparkle.

It was a slingshot.

Someone had carelessly left it there. They may have probably forgotten it while in a hurry to run away from something. Where was the owner?

He traced his finger over its smooth wooden surface. Using his other hand he tested the tension in the rubber bands. It was strong, well made. He smiled.

He closed his eyes, recalling the last time he had used one.

***

'_Hey Satoru san! Sa-to-ru saaan!'_

'_Neh… what is it now?'_

'_Satoru san, what's this?' He held up a wooden toy to his friend's face. It was forked and had two bands attached to the ends. _

_The girl took the item and looked it over. 'It's a slingshot.' _

_Silver eyebrows furrowed in confusion. 'What the hell is that?'_

'_Watch,' she said, reaching out to a pebble nearby. She placed it the wide seat in the middle of the band and pulled. Taking careful aim at a nearby lizard scrambling up a tree trunk, she let go. The pebble whizzed out of her grasp and hit the unsuspecting animal. Hidan stared, enraptured at what unfolded in the moments that followed. _

_The pebble bounced back and fell, hitting the exposed roots of the tree with a dry crackle. For a tiny moment, the lizard clung to the tree trunk motionless, stunned. It had been too quick, too sudden, to even release its tail as a decoy._

_Then it fell; it succumbed to gravity, now powerless to gather any more strength to keep holding on to anything – even life. _

_Hidan scrambled to look at the fallen animal. An unrecognizable mess replaced what used to be its head. He picked it up, amazed. _

'_You got him Satoru san!' He held it up for her to see. 'Look!'_

_Satoru smiled lackadaisically and held out the slingshot to him. He snatched it from her, grinning from ear to ear. _

'_You're gonna teach me how to shoot right, Satoru san?'_

***

He grinned at the memory. Sure, she had taught him to 'shoot'. Soon he was breaking everything in sight: bottles, cans, windows, squirrels, cats, birds, paper doors, even fruit that was too high up to reach. He was good at it, she told him. It made him proud.

And then _it_ happened.

_***_

_Hidan woke up to the sound of muffled cries that night. He scrambled out of his futon to Satoru's to try and wake her up. _

'_Oi Satoru san,' he whispered, blindly reaching out in the darkness. He felt the hem of her blanket. Fumbling in the dark,he put his hands on her pillow. Violet eyes widened: her bed was empty; she was gone._

'_Satoru san!'_

'_Shut up.' Another orphan whispered fiercely._

'_Where the hell is she?' he demanded._

'_They called her out.'_

_His eyes widened even more. 'No way!'_

_Cautiously tip-toeing his way out of the room, he slid into the corridor, following the harsh, but low, voices and the muffled screams. A soft glow ensued from the space below one of the doors. The voices seemed to be coming from there._

_He pressed his ear to the door and listened._

'_You'll have to pardon her manners, sir.' He recognized that voice immediately: it was the lady who ran the orphanage._

'_Lack of,' mumbled a man whose voice he didn't recognize. _

_He pressed his ear a little harder. There were three people. No, four. It could have been five. He heard another man struggle. _

_There was a rustling sound, like someone thumbing through a stack of papers. 'Well then, this is for all your trouble, Ms. Kuroshi.' It was the same man who had spoken earlier._

'_Thank you,' the old lady replied. _

'_We'll take good care of her,' someone else said._

_The woman laughed. 'Of course!'_

_More dull sounds of struggle ensued. Heart pounding in his chest, he pressed his ear a little more. _

_It was then that the door opened and he fell forward, falling on his knees, right below Ms. Kuroshi. He looked up, horrified, and saw her glaring accusingly at him. Behind her were two men, dragging Satoru with them out of a back door. _

'_Hey!' he shouted, but was immediately kicked in the side by Haki, Ms. Kuroshi's assistant. Reeling from the pain, he looked up at the man, and then at the old woman. She was holding a wad of cash._

_The next morning, eight year old Hidan learnt the meaning of the word 'rape'. _

_He had never seen Satoru cry before. In fact, she was the one who used to chide him for crying when he was first brought to the orphanage after being abandoned by his father who didn't want anything to do with him after Hidan's mother died. His father had never acknowledged him as his own blood. Instead he accused his mother of bearing him another man's child. Hidan never understood why. _

_Satoru called him weak because he was feeling sorry for himself while he should have been thinking about finding a solution to his problems. _

_Satoru had taught him to fight and fend for himself. She was tough and claimed that she didn't take shit from no one. She was true to her word. And over the five years they spent together in that hell hole of an orphanage, most of Satoru's toughness had rubbed off onto Hidan. _

_Hidan, being an angry child himself, only needed that little push he received from his friend to ignite his fiery personality. Everything that was bottled up burst forth when he was provoked. And he wasn't going to take shit from anyone either. As a result, together they made an invincible team. They could take down the whole orphanage if they wanted to._

_But whatever it was that was making Satoru cry that day must have been something really bad, he thought. It must have been nastier than Ms. Kuroshi, and meaner than Hideoki the bully. It must have been sadder than being abandoned, and lonelier than being told you were not wanted._

'_Rape', he learnt, was unimaginably cruel._

_That day he took good aim as he raised his slingshot and pulled the rubber. _

_It took him only thirty seconds to bring down both Ms. Kuroshi and Haki._

***

A small flock of birds landed on a patch of grass a few meters in front of him. They were prying out the earthworms from the soil.

He walked over to a charred tree standing nearby and flopped down on the ground in front of it. He leaned back on it, taking in the view of the village below. The clusters of unmarked graves showed up as tiny white specks within the fields of green.

***

'_Hidan! That's enough!'_

'_Shut the hell up!'_

'_Hidan!' the ANBU captain yelled over the chorus of explosions in the distance. 'Hidan we need you at the Northern Gate! Now!'_

'_Oi! Can't you see I'm busy?' Hidan yelled in response, slashing his scythe through another one of their opponents. _

'_Just stop whatever the fuck you're doing and get to the Northern Gate idiot. We're falling behind on the plan because of you!' Satoru hollered, fending off an enemy shinobi herself._

'_The backup team can take care of them so GO!' their captain ordered._

'_My religion prohibits me from leaving a man half dead damn it, so you're going to have to fucking deal with it!' Hidan shouted back as he slashed the body of the last Kumo shinobi that had attacked their team._

_Their Yugakure ANBU unit finally got to the Northern Gate a few minutes after that. It took a lot of frantic, colorful persuasion from his teammates to veer Hidan away from the tendency to finish off half dead enemies along the way._

_At the Gate, their captain pulled out a scroll from his vest and handed it to Satoru. 'You know what to do from here.'_

_Hidan lifted his mask. 'Wait, what the hell, why's she going alone?'_

'_Are you doubting my abilities Hidan?' Satoru asked. He could imagine her poking her tongue out at him from behind that mask._

'_No, I'm just saying. How come you get to go and beat the shit out of the big guys over there while I'm stuck with this loser here fighting off underlings?'_

'_It's because Satoru's better at reconnaissance than you are. And who the hell are you calling a loser, bastard?' his captain growled._

'_Hey Hidan don't worry about me, you'll have plenty of fun out here. Besides, your big mouth and flashy scythe aren't suited for this job. Just make sure nobody makes it through the Gate while I'm in there, or I'll seriously have to whoop your ass when I get back.'_

_Her threat proved to be an empty one however, because it was the last time he saw her alive._

_Three days later the war had been declared over and Hidan was sitting in the conference hall, confused and angry for answers. Every remaining Yugakure shinobi and kunoichi had been summoned for the important meeting._

'_The infiltration was an unfortunate incident,' their leader announced halfway through his speech. 'And it is with the greatest regret that I have to announce the death of Kenichi Satoru, who lost her life while on this mission.' Murmurs passed through the crowd gathered in the hall. 'However, there is some good news. The war is finally over…'_

_Hidan only stared incredulously at their leader as the old man pronounced that a peace treaty had been signed between Yu, Taki, and Kusa, and that Yugakure would no longer be a hidden village. He had further stated that Yugakure would no longer have any need for shinobi and that they will have to disarm immediately. Now free from war, Yugakure would take a different path and prosper as a tourist spot. _

'_How the hell did it come to that?' he yelled at his captain that night. 'A fucking tourist village? After all this, the only thing they could come up with is a fucking tourist village? What the fuck is wrong with the world!'_

'_Hidan…'_

'_And Satoru. What about her? She died fighting for a tourist village. That's… that's fucking unforgivable! And Kusa. Since when were they involved?'_

'_Listen, Hidan.' The other man reached for something in his vest pocket. Slowly, he pulled out a rosary and held it out to him. 'She wanted you to have this.' _

_Hidan could only stare, dumbfounded, as the other man held out the silver item, the familiar symbol of Jashin dangling from its end. 'What…'_

'_Tamaki was there,' his captain said, voice low. 'The infiltration was a success.'_

'_But…?'_

'_But our motives were given away by somebody else on our side. It didn't take long for them to track her down with the evidence.'_

'_Shit.'_

'_Yugakure has been acting as a double agent. While we sided with Taki in the war, we also had a pact with Iwa. Apparently Iwa's plan was to gather information on the new weapon of mass destruction Taki was building. Relations between Taki, Kusa, and Iwa have always been shaky, so both Kusa and Taki threatened Yugakure with 'complete annihilation' using that very same weapon if details of it got out to Iwa.'_

'_So that's why the 'peace treaty'…'_

'_Also the order for disarmament.'_

'_Well fuck all that! What the hell happened to Satoru?'_

_The man averted his gaze. 'She was sacrificed in order to protect the village.'_

'_They let them kill her because they were afraid she'd talk?'_

'_Yes…'_

_Hidan snatched the rosary from his captain. She had been only days away from ordination._

_That night, while the village celebrated the new treaty, the silver haired shinobi massacred every council member he could find. And then in the middle of the grand speech, he slew the leader of Yugakure in front of everybody gathered for the occasion. _

***

He closed his fingers around the rosary around his neck. It was hers.

People were nothing more than selfish hypocrites. They'd throw away the life of their comrades as if it meant nothing just as long as they could realize their goals. Everybody was the same… and they all deserved die.

He peered into the cloudy sky. A brown bird flapped its wings rather lethargically before circling over a puddle of water.

He realized he still held the slingshot he had found by the broken swing. A grin broke out on his face.

He reached out for a stone lying in front of him and looked it over. _This'll do_, he thought, placing it in the seat of the rubber. Then he took aim and released it into the air.

An explosion of feathers ensued.

He got up lazily and made his way to the twitching body of the animal he had just shot down. Images of the past suddenly flashed in front of his eyes as he looked down on the dying animal. He picked it up and twisted its neck. The bird's legs kicked violently. He stopped when he heard the distinct 'crack'.

"Maybe we can finally have some actual food today," he laughed, holding up the bird by its neck. Its head lolled lifelessly to a side.

It was then that he noticed a tiny scroll attached to one of its legs.

His eyes widened at the discovery. This was no ordinary bird, it was a messenger.

He grinned playfully as he undid the scroll from its leg. The message read in bold, yet fine handwriting:

_Nara,_

_Please reply as soon as you get this. Something's come up. Are you alright?_

_Temari._

_

* * *

  
_

At 4:00 pm Kakuzu strode into their room, briefcase in hand.

"Man, you took all day! I even had lunch without you."

The Falls nin didn't answer. Instead, he merely made his way to his bed and placed his briefcase on it. Here, however, he stopped, and raising his head slightly, sniffed.

"What is that smell?"

"What smell?"

"It smells like bloody feathers," Kakuzu said, frowning.

"Aah, you're good, Kakuzu chan!" Hidan sang.

"What the hell did you bring into the room this time?" Green eyes glared at the younger man sprawled lazily on the opposite bed.

"Just this," Hidan said pointing to the dead bird he had stuffed under his bed.

Kakuzu raised his eyebrows.

Hidan smiled sweetly. "It's a present."

"For?"

"Not for you," Hidan said. He clasped his hands behind his head.

Kakuzu ignored the remark, but added, "How did you manage to capture a bird with that cumbersome weapon of yours?" A tenth of a degree of curiosity laced his voice.

Hidan chuckled. "I used this," he said, holding up the slingshot he had found earlier that day.

"A slingshot?" Kakuzu's eyebrows slackened, the curiosity wearing off. He resisted the tendency to roll his eyes.

"I borrowed it."

"Stole it, more likely."

"No seriously, I found it in the mud at a playground on the other side of town. It was abandoned."

"Indeed." Kakuzu decided it was better not to ask him what he had been doing at a playground at his age.

A short silence ensued between them before Kakuzu said, wincing: "Make sure you get rid of that thing as soon as possible."

The Falls nin opened his briefcase and sat down to inspect the documents in there.

"Hey Kakuzu," Hidan said, still inspecting the slingshot he held in his hand. Kakuzu merely continued with his work. "Do you remember the first person you killed?"

There was brief silence before Kakuzu answered: "There's been too many to count."

* * *

10:00 pm

Hidan sat on the far end of his bed, back turned to Kakuzu. His fingers pressed a short strip of red cloth to his face as he inhaled its scent. It was hers, Temari's. He had pocketed it the last time they parted, after her weak attempt at blowing him up with an exploding note... along with herself.

The faint smell of rain still lingered in its meshwork of fibers.

Hidan glanced over his shoulder at Kakuzu. The Falls nin was sharpening his tools. A silver eyebrow rose questioningly.

"We're finally moving again?"

"Yes. Before dawn."

Hidan reached for the bird under the bed.

"What are you doing?"

"Sacrifice. And gotta give this to someone," the Jashinist said, holding out the bird for Kakuzu to see.

Kakuzu went back to preparing his tools. "Just don't get carried away and have too much fun," he said gruffly.

Hidan picked up his scythe and jauntily made his way out of the room. He had been cooped up in this village for too long. Seriously.

* * *

11:15 pm.

"Another one down."

Thunder rumbled in the distance.

"Talk about special effects." He laughed as he pulled out the spike from his chest. "Jashin sama, that you?"

He traced the horizon with his eyes. Hints of faraway lightning illuminated the thick clouds in the sky. "Storm's coming," he mumbled, stooping to pick up his pike and scythe that lay scattered within the circle of Jashin.

He grinned. "Guess I won't have to worry about angry villagers in the morning then." The rain was sure to wash away the large symbol he had drawn with his blood. Hidan never washed away the symbols of Jashin after his rituals. It would have been sacrilege if he did.

He kicked the body of his victim. It rolled down the slight slope and stopped when it hit a clump of bushes.

Another rumble echoed through the sky. _Sure, there's going to be a storm tonight_.

He took out the red cloth again and pressed it to his face. Rain. He closed his eyes. It smelt like rain.

"_Is that what keeps you going?"_

"_Perhaps."_

The red fabric brushed his lips. _What keeps _me_ going?_

He pressed it closer, swallowing its scent once more. _Is it you?_

Silver eyebrows furrowed. What _was_ it that had him going back for more?

Back then it was because he thought – no, he _knew_ – that she was the perfect candidate to lift the burden off his chest. She hated him out of fear, not for herself, but for the sake of those she loved. She was out for his blood; it was revenge. She would wipe out Akatsuki if she had the chance: it was retribution.

She served to protect, he to destroy. He threatened her just by existing. She was looking for a reason to wipe him out.

He looked at the dead bird he brought along with him. _This should be reason enough_, he thought, smiling. _Maybe she'd finally do it this time_.

He took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. But lately… lately he didn't feel as if he wanted to die just yet, even if she'd kill him.

He wanted answers. He wanted to know what life was about, what living was about. He just wanted to know more about her. He wanted to know what made her laugh, what made her cry. He wanted to know all about this woman who waited for him every night: the woman who always told him to go away, but still kept coming back for him. She was the only one in the world right now that actually acknowledged his existence. It was personal.

To Pein, he was only a tool in some bigger plan which _he _had no interest in whatsoever. To Kakuzu, he was just a pain in the ass who stuck with him only because he couldn't kill him.

All his life he had been angry. He was the unwanted one, cast aside and left to rot in whatever hell he'd stumble upon.

But this, her…

She hated him, and he was grateful for that, because nobody else could have hated him with such a passion. In the most twisted of ways, she made him feel wanted, needed. With her it felt different.

It almost felt normal.

'_Hey Satoru san! Sa-to-ru saaan!'_

'_Neh… what is it now?'_

He put his head back and laughed up at the sky. How long had it been since he'd felt that way?

* * *

2:00 am

Temari stared at the sky through her window. _It'll rain again_.

She cursed the weather. It had rained the night before, just after _he_ left. A peculiar sandstorm that struck the desert the previous day had swept across the desert again yesterday. It lasted for most of the day, ceasing only in the late evening.

She wondered if the bird had even managed to get across Wind country's border.

A bolt of lightning ripped through the sky.

She looked at her watch. It was almost time for her appointment.

* * *

2:30 am

A clamor of rumbles and clashes erupted from the heavens. The wind picked up its pace.

Panting, Temari reached the border of Sunagakure and the desert that divided it from Tori. It was the only border that hadn't been fenced or had any barriers set up. It was also convenient for her purposes because border patrol took their positions a mile away from here, where outlooks had already been built.

About two miles behind her was the narrow street that had hosted the Autumn Festival. It was where he had shown his face once again after all those months. The moment she saw him that day, she knew where to go looking for him.

She kicked a scorpion down the mound of sand she stood on. It skittered down the slope, stinger poised, provoked. Another flash of lightning illuminated the bleak desert. The scorpion took the opportunity to vanish underground.

Temari gritted her teeth as she watched the venomous arthropod disappear down the mound. Bitter memories found their way back to her. _The scorpion of the Red Sand: Sasori the Puppet Master_. She shook her head, squeezing her eyes shut, trying to squeeze out the memory along with them. Sure he was dead, but still…

Bluish-green streaks of electricity coursed over the landscape. She squinted, trying to make out his outline in the darkness. The lightning made the ensuing moments of darkness appear pitch black, and for a while her eyes refused to see anything.

Frustrated, she strained them a little more, only to pick out the hint of red clouds in the flickering landscape. _There he is._

More blue streaks ripped above the desert. She blinked reflexively.

He had moved closer. The sky growled.

"That's some storm you've got coming," he said over the rumbling.

She backed away slightly. The constant lightning made it hard to see, but she could definitely tell he was moving towards her. Every time a bolt of electricity screeched over the landscape his form was bigger, clearer, closer.

Closer…

He stopped about three meters in front of her.

"Guess I'll be leaving you again tonight."

_What? No…_ "Leaving?"

"Yep. Heading East" He grinned. "Are you okay? You sound upset." He was leaning forward, a mock expression of concern dancing all over his features.

_East? Konoha?_

"Don't have much time either. I'm supposed to be off before dawn." He brought down his scythe. "Damn, and I'm supposed to be kicking back and getting some rest right about now."

"Indeed." She rolled her eyes. He was one to talk, after coming out here on his own will.

She saw him toss something on the ground.

"What's that?"

He kicked it with his toe. "A little parting gift I found this morning."

A gift? The last time he had given her something it was a severed head. She squinted; a little edgy at the sight of whatever it was that lay on the ground before her. It possibly wasn't anything live.

Another flash of lightning; another rumble.

No, it definitely wasn't anything live.

It was the messenger bird she had sent out to deliver Shikamaru her message.

It was. It used to be.

Her knees trembled. Her eyes grew wide. Her heart pounded in her chest.

This was it. This was her reason. He had made it clear enough. _Kill him now, Temari!_ But her body refused to move.

"Didn't I tell you I was the only one allowed to take up all of your time?" There was something menacing about his expression that night.

_Kill him! Move!_

Nature echoed the turmoil in her head as it roared and flashed streaks of green and blue around her. It was too hard to see, too loud to hear. Besides, the sound of her heart pounding in her chest was growing louder and louder by the moment.

"Leave me alone!" she faltered.

"Leave you alone?"

It was too dark, and too loud.

She barely dodged the blades that came tearing at her.

Temari looked on in confusion, hand raised to her fan but still unable to move at will. Had he just… _thrown_ his scythe at her?

_How…?_ She dared herself to steal a glance at the blades. They were connected to a long rope at the end… how could she forget? _So, he was capable of throwing his weapon out at others too huh?_ She frowned. _Might as well draw it out,_ she thought, tightening her fingers around her fan.

But somehow, that too refused to move.

_No way…_

She couldn't really see or hear well amidst the din of the upcoming storm, but she did retain her ability to smell. Yes, she could smell alright. She could smell it. She could smell _him_: blood, sweat, and rain.

The next flash of electricity illuminated everything: he was standing right in front of her, their noses almost touching.

The world stilled.

He was close. Too close.

He was so close that she could even hear him breathe in spite of the noise around them.

She tried once more to release her fan from her sash; it didn't budge.

Only then did she feel his fingers over hers, resting firmly, preventing her from pulling out her weapon.

He brought his face closer to the side of hers.

"Why the hell would I want to leave you alone?" he whispered, his voice sending violent tremors through her body as the words brushed the sensitive skin on her ears.

Summoning whatever will she had left, she brought a kunai up to his throat with her free hand, resting it against the thin flesh, grazing it slightly.

"Heh." He leaned forward, neck pressing further on the kunai, drawing out blood. "Sorry blondie but… I don't feel like dying tonight." He freed his right hand from the grip on his scythe and brought it up to her hair. Pale fingers lightly tousled blonde hair, gently tugging it closer to him. He inhaled sharply, drinking in her scent.

_Rain... It smelt like rain. She smelt like rain._

Temari shivered.

"I won't be seeing you in a while but… that doesn't mean you won't wait for me like always, right?" He lightly traced her jaw with his thumb.

She remained silent, too stunned to think of an answer, or even a reproach. What the hell was he doing? Why the hell couldn't she move? Why couldn't she speak?

"Tell me," he whispered, thumb trailing lower, tracing the delicate skin on her neck. He shifted slightly, his lips almost brushing against hers now. "Why do you wait for me?"

It was too much.

"I… I…" she searched for her voice, desperately trying to distract herself from the situation she was in.

"Hmm?"

"I…"

His eyelashes softly tickled her skin.

"I... hate you," she finally managed to say, voice quavering between a gasp and a sob.

"Hate me?" He chuckled. "That's good." His thumb slowly coursed its way back to her jaw. "You hate me so much that you can't stop thinking about me, right?"

_Shut up! _

He smirked, tilting his head slightly to the right again. She could feel his breath hot on her cheek. _Her_ breathing came out in shallow gasps.

Thunder echoed around them.

"Tell me, Temari," he said. It burned; the skin on her cheek burned when he pronounced her name. "What would you do if you lost everything?"

Her eyes widened.

Was it fear, shock, disbelief? She didn't know. She didn't have time to figure it out… because the next moment she felt something smouldering, yet wet, press firmly and slide against her cheek: he licked her.

"Wait for me."

_Pat... Pat... Pat… Pat…_

He retracted his weapon and his hold on her hand. When she came to, she saw him walking away, scythe slung over his shoulder.

_Pat... Pat... Pat… Pat…_

Her gaze fell on the dead bird he had left her.

"_What would you do if you lost everything?"_

She fell to her knees.

It was already raining.

* * *

Hot chocolate in one hand, Kankuro knocked softly on the door. "Oi Temari. Open up, it's me."

He sighed at the silence that followed, annoyed. Turning the knob and yanking open the door, he stepped in, stomping rather noisily. "Oi—" he began, and then stopped mid-sentence. Her room was empty.

"You've got to be kidding me," he mumbled, slamming the door shut. Kankuro tossed the beverage into a nearby trash can and bounded up to the Kazekage's headquarters two blocks away.

Gaara was awake. The rain always kept him awake. He was sitting at his desk finishing up paperwork when his brother burst in.

"Gaara."

He looked up.

Kankuro only stared at him from the doorway, panting from excitement.

His brother didn't need to say anything. He _knew_.

Gaara immediately got up and pressed a button on his office phone.

A series of beeps were heard and then: "Reinforcements for border patrol," Gaara spoke. "We have an intruder."

A vague static voice came back from the other end: "Hai, Kazekage sama!"

The Kazekage released his finger from the button and looked up at his older brother again. "So he has returned."

Kankuro nodded. "Let's go."


End file.
